The Elusive 12 Hours of Sleep
- 8 hours ago
- 3 min read
One of the most common questions I am asked is:
Somewhere along the way, many parents have been led to believe that a "good sleeper" is a baby who sleeps from 7pm until 7am without waking. Whilst this may happen for a small number of children, it is far from the norm and certainly shouldn't be used as a benchmark for success.
Newborn babies need to wake frequently. Their tiny tummies require regular feeds, their sleep cycles are short, and waking is a normal and protective part of infant development.
In the early months, waking to feed is not a problem to be solved. It is a biological necessity.
As babies grow, the frequency of these wakes often reduces naturally, but expecting a newborn to sleep for 12 uninterrupted hours is neither realistic nor appropriate.
12 Hours in Bed Is Different to 12 Hours Asleep
When parents tell me they would love their baby to sleep for 12 hours, I often ask:
"Do you sleep for 12 hours without waking?" The answer is almost always no.
Adults wake throughout the night. We roll over, adjust our pillow, pull the duvet up, visit the bathroom, or briefly surface from sleep before drifting back off again. Babies and children do exactly the same thing. The difference is that they are still learning how to transition between sleep cycles and return to sleep independently. Sometimes they manage this easily, and sometimes they need a little help or reassurance.
So whilst 12 hours in bed may be achievable for some families, 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep is much less common than social media might have you believe.
Every Child Has Different Sleep Needs
One of the biggest mistakes we can make is assuming all children need the same amount of sleep. They don't. Just as adults vary enormously in how much sleep they need, babies and children do too. Some babies are naturally higher sleep needs and seem happy spending long stretches asleep. Others are lower sleep needs and function beautifully on fewer hours.
Neither is right or wrong. The goal should never be to force a child into an arbitrary schedule or sleep target. Instead, we should focus on ensuring they are getting enough sleep to support their development, mood, learning, and overall wellbeing.
I often say that one size doesn't even fit my own three children, never mind every baby I support. A schedule that works beautifully for one family may be completely unsuitable for another. Sleep is influenced by temperament, feeding, development, health, family circumstances, and individual sleep needs. This is why comparing your baby to another baby can be so frustrating. The baby sleeping 12 hours overnight may genuinely need more sleep than yours.
Your baby isn't broken if they don't.
What Should We Be Aiming For?
Rather than chasing the elusive 12-hour night, it can be more helpful to ask:
- Is my baby getting enough sleep across 24 hours?
- Are they generally happy and engaged when awake?
- Are they feeding well and developing appropriately?
- Is our current sleep situation sustainable for our family?
If the answer to those questions is yes, then sleep may be exactly where it needs to be.
The idea that every baby should sleep 12 uninterrupted hours overnight is one of the most persistent myths in the parenting world.
Babies wake.
Children wake.
Adults wake.
Sleep is not about achieving perfection. It is about meeting your child's individual needs whilst ensuring the whole family gets as much rest as possible. Sometimes that looks like a baby sleeping from 7pm until 7am. More often, it looks like a baby or child who wakes occasionally, receives the support they need, and then returns to sleep.
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